Posts Tagged ‘Attitude’
I’ve been feeling like a bloated whale-man recently. Normally I would ponder the possible reason for such malaise, but I’d rather just not feel this way and analyze it. The thing is, we’re knocking on the door of Spring and I think I’ve been feeling confined and blah for so long that I’ve nibbled myself into being an overstuffed, mildly apathetic hulk of junk food and angst. Ta-dah! Analysis complete.
The cool thing is that I believe I’ve hit a threshold. I’m feeling angst-y enough to do something about it and have enough opportunities to get out of my cave and, well, leave my bloated blotto-ness in my rearview mirror.
Careful Steve-o, objects may be closer than they appear.
There was a guy I knew once upon a time that used to say, “Too soon old, too late smart,” a lot. Somehow he would work it into just about every conversation. I was fairly young by my geriatric standards and never paid much attention to anything the old guy (who I would still consider relatively young now) but he said it often enough that I never forgot.
I believe I’ve come to epitomize that phrase.
It kinda sucks. It also lights a fire where an ember only dimly glowed. It’s about time.
Too soon old, never too late to wizen-up.
We all judge. People judge me; some look down, others up. I judge, I’d like to think from a position of concern- an empathy for those with similar struggles. The thing is, my judgement of other’s perceptions of themselves is way off-base much of the time. I’ll see someone who I imagine is struggling with their weight and I’ll find myself feeling badly that they’re suffering.
Many times they aren’t suffering at all. Maybe I should judge.
Steve v4.9 will become obsolete and discarded by Steve v5.0 in just two measly months from today. Yikes! It’s later than time to start kicking some seriously larger than it should be ass and make some serious progress towards reaching my goal of losing 190 pounds by by my next birthday. Time to (ooh, a squirrel!) focus and take massive action.
Goals are awesome, magical things that somehow (I mean through focus and effort) are responsible for most if not all of the cool things in my life. Not that there is an overabundance of cool things (I should have made that one of my goals) in my life, but what there is that is recognizable and noteworthy, if only to me, is the result of setting a goal, deciding to take action, focusing on that goal while taking action, adjusting my actions as necessary, and doing the “do” to get what I wanted.
Such will be the summation of my focus and activity for the next two months.
As the year draws to a close, it dawns on me that I just may have wasted an entire year. So much opportunity, so many options– all wasted. So yup, I’m spending New Year’s Eve much as I spend my birthdays; curled up in the fetal position in the back of my closet– eating my feelings and sobbing uncontrollably.
Truthfully, this past year has been like so many others; a linear parade of events and non-events that has shaped my life. Nothing truly outrageous happened, at least nothing comes to mind right now, and I guess that is just the way much of life is; stuff just happens. I endure and forget. The thing is, I feel like I may be missing out on something that I can’t quite put my finger on, something that is just out of reach– escaping me. What could I be missing? What could it be that I’m lacking? Oh wait a sec, maybe it’s the “living” part of life.
Steve v4.6 was a miserable bastard. He languished in an uncomfortable husk that made movement difficult and furniture disposable. It sucked to be him- so much so that that I now speak of him in hushed tones and in third-person. Something the guy had tons of (besides adipose) though, was motivation and more importantly, determination. That guy was a weight loss term-i-shedder, the Schwarzenegger of working his ass almost completely off. That guy dropped pounds like a… um… pound-dropper; like it was his job and Christmas bonus depended on it. That dude got results. Steve v’s 4.7 and 4.8 were shadows of 4.6 and indicators of lagging determination. Those dudes were a couple of tools, but they were lighter and more energetic tools.
The thing is, I’ve grown somewhat complacent over the course of the past year and that is something I flat-out just cannot be. Sure, I’ve lost some weight, but I could stand to lose a hell of a lot more. So wake up Steve v4.6, Steve v4.95 needs his ass kicked into gear. He… scratch that… I need… scratch that… I will lose weight and reach my goal before lapsing into Steve v5.0 (coming in June, 2011).
Determi-freakin’-nation, that’s my mantra.
Is what I might say if ll actually felt like I needed some kind of coach, trainer, or cheerleader pushing me through this whole weight loss thing. The thing of it is, I’ve got to do this myself. I’m an army of one in the battle against my bulge.I’m the one who piled it on, I’m the one who is going to uncover the thinner P.O.W. (Prisoner Of Weight).
I’ve come to realize that weight loss is definitely an individual thing. My needs and methods are similar to others but unique to me. I have challenges and accomplishments just like everyone else, but solely my own. It’s my weight loss universe and everyone else is merely living in it.
That’s my hallucination, anyway.
Here’s the thing, inspite of all the self- The thing is, and in spite of all my Silf- centered bravado, all the encouragement and “atta-boys” are awesomely helpful. Hearing about the trials and glories of others totally rocks my weight loss world.
Rock on. Rock on, indeed.