Posts Tagged ‘pants’
I ran like the wind, I did. More like I made my own wind as my huffing and puffing mass displaced the molecules surrounding me as I jogged/walked/ran-the-stairs at the football stadium this morning. I figure that what I lack in style, grace, handsomeness, olfactory pleasantries, speed, and agility– I more than make up for in dogged determination and grunting. Yes, mine is a delicate balance of extremes.
Nevertheless, my morning was a trundling battle with gravity, momentum, and inertia that by measure of the Rorschach-stain of perspiration I was sporting by smoothie time, did me some good. And I need all the good I can get.
THWOK!!! That’s me hitting myself upside the head… with my PANTS! That’s right, my pants.
I don’t know about anyone else (especially since this weight loss blog is all about me) but, I’ve come to discover that I’m a creature of ritual and habit. I do stuff. I do it over and over. I do it even when it’s the wrong thing to do- eat too much, for example. I repeat mistakes. I repeat stuff unconsciously, without thinking. I do it all the time. Just ask my wife.
The cool thing is that I repeat good stuff too. The stuff that helps me and those around me, stuff that improves my life. That’s where I should focus. The thing is, focus tends to blur a little. It’s the occasional whack upside the head that helps bring things into focus– freakin’ laser-beam focus.
Sundays mean church for my family. It’s usually a suit-up and make a mad dash out the door type of affair followed by what seems like hours on my butt in a pew. I got to admit, it’s never been my cup o’ tea. The thing is, that’s what we do. So, I’m all suited-up and making my way around the house (shutting off lights, kenneling the dog, checking the doors, etc.) when I did something… else. Something that wasn’t part of the routine. Something that changed my entire day. A thing that, in its’ innocence and banality changed everything. Something that tore the very fabric of my existence and laid waist (intended, wait for it) and whacked me upside the noggin so thoroughly, so completely, and with such reverberation that I articulated a vulgarity so coarse as to embarrass even my dog. That… that… I… (breathe, Steve- you can do this. OK. Shit-together in 3…2…)
I bent over and tore the crotch out of my suit-pants.
It changed EVERYTHING. I had to rummage around (unsuccessfully) for another pair of suitable pants, my family ultimately went on to church without me (ok, not all changes are unpleasant and honestly, I couldn’t go to church crotchless, could I?), and I had to stumble upon a discovery. The discovery that I had gained back some weight. That realization, physically, felt like a combination bone-chill and hot-flash that completely brought things into focus.
My focus: LOSE WEIGHT STARTING RIGHT NOW
OK. So I missed church. I mean what I really missed was pewing-it with my family. That’s a bad thing that I’m sure I going to hear about when they get home. My apology is in the oven. Here’s the good thing about what I did while they were gone (aside from starting dinner), I got on my bike and went to the gym. I paid penance pushing iron for missing family pew time due to pants problems.
I’ve been whacked and now I’m back at the gym. That’s a good thing; it’s been a while and I believe it’s a good habit to maintain. I’ll head back to the pew next week.
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