(Day 577 / -154 lbs.) I do Believe I’m On The Eve of Disruption
My last post was on Christmas Eve- that pinnacle of hope and anticipation of the coming dawn, when children wake at 4AM to peek in wonderment at the pile of wrapped shiny and pointy distraction, when parents are nestled all snug in their beds with images of missing and extra parts of bikes and trykes in their heads. A few moments of unbalance, when the scale tips deeply toward happiness without responsibility or regret.
But then, like the piles of wrapping paper scattered where plastic tokens of conspicuous consumption, rapt consumerism, and economic stimulus once sat, tension builds as self-assessment of the past 360-some-odd days bubbles into view and I wonder where the hell the year has gone and what the hell have I accomplished.
I’ve come to take self-assessment very seriously and the past year has been important. It’s been a time during which I’ve focused on not only losing weight but maintaining its’ loss. It’s been a time of enjoying the benefits of a healthier lifestyle and regaining abilities I was sure were gone from my life. I was a period during which I had an unobstructed view of all regions South of my navel and a time when little things I didn’t realize I missed became a much bigger deal.
Now here I am, another year has rocketed into the past and I sit contemplating what’s next for little ol’ me; what IS 2009 going to be about and how do I make it better than 2008? I’m pondering, I’m plotting, I’m planning. I’m not ignoring that I’ve gained five (5) pounds since my last weigh-in.
That’s right, five pounds. Am I shocked, surprised, or taken back by it? Discouraged? Oh, hell no! I’m not proud of it either. What I am is friggin’ determined. The thing is that I’ve been lighter than I am right now, recently, so I know how to lose the weight. More importantly, I know how I put it on and therefore what behavior I need to change. Now all there is (once the knowing part is done) is the doing- and a lot of it.
In my mind it is “crunch time”; that period when I know that a deadline is coming up fast. Mine is my next birthday. The goal I set (on my last birthday) is to lose another forty (40) pounds by then. It’s getting real.
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The gym was closed again this morning due to
Being together with my family in activities I would most definitely have passed on previously due to my being an obese malcontent has become nothing short of wonderful. I can’t believe I had let myself go so far and denied myself these simple, joyful experiences.
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